Yes, No, Maybe
Consent and communication are key in all aspects of our lives, but especially when it comes to sex. Not sure where to start? YES / NO / MAYBE lists are a great way to break the ice and get the conversation going!
How to use your Yes / No / Maybe list:
Each partner filling out a Yes / No / Maybe list should take their own, and fill it out by themselves. It’s super important that this list is about you and your wants and needs – discussing your responses and seeing what each other wrote comes later. Give yourself space and fill it out honestly.
There’s a few suggestions provided on the list, but it’s in no way an exhaustive list! Read through the suggestions, add your own desires and limits, and designate each into the columns:
YES – A “yes” can be something that you’ve tried that you enjoy and want to do again, or that you haven’t tried but are definitely interested in exploring.
MAYBE – A “maybe” may include something you not have tried yet but are interested in, or something that you have some hesitancy or soft limits surrounding / if there needs to be specific elements in place for that act to be okay with you.
*Remember, a "maybe" is not a "yes". Make sure that this column is discussed in detail.
NO – A “no” is a limit or boundary: what you are not interested in participating in at all. Anything that is on the “no” column is not consented to, and these limits must be respected without question.
Be as specific as you'd like to be - note things like giving, receiving, both, when, where, or how – just, again, make sure you are speaking specifically to your wants and needs.
After you've filled out your lists, exchange with your partner(s) and discuss. When you're done, you'll have a curated list of exciting new things to explore together!
Incorporate the discussion of your lists into some scene negotiation and get ready to explore. For more info on scene negotiation, check out our blog post here.
Always remember: consent must be CLEAR and ongoing.
YES / NO / MAYBE lists are not a contract. These lists do not replace communication, and should always be used with ongoing consent practices like check-ins and safewords.
Consent should always be freely given, enthusiastic, informed, and specific. You and your partner(s) always have the ability to change your mind or retract consent if something doesn’t work for you.
To learn more about consent, read our blog post here.
You can also update the list as often as possible, as you explore and learn more about your body and tastes! We’re constantly discovering new things about ourselves – maybe you tried something on your “maybe” list and LOVED it and now it’s a yes! Maybe you’re not into something on your “yes” list anymore, and now it’s a “no”. Maybe there’s something brand new you want to add to the list overall.
Click for a free printable PDF version of our Yes / No / Maybe list. Link may open in a new window.
