navigating painful sex

Sex should not hurt unless that's a consensual part of the play! Painful sex can be caused by medical conditions, but can also be caused by lack of adequate arousal or lubrication. Prioritize foreplay, use lots of lube, start slow, explore new positions, communicate with your partner, and ALWAYS listen to your body - pushing through pain or discomfort can make matters worse, take care of yourself first.

Painful penetration - aka dyspareunia - is categorized as either superficial (meaning pain at the entrance to the vagina) or deep (pain felt further inside); as well as primary (pain during sex from the get-go) and secondary (when pain develops after a period of pain-free sex). No matter the intensity and type of pain, it's important to explore the root cause to find the best way to explore solutions.

Some common causes include: endometriosis, PCOS, menopause, vulvodynia, vaginismus, physical trauma, emotional trauma, infections (like STIs or UTIs), uterine fibroids, pelvic floor dysfunction, and other physical or medical conditions.

If pain or discomfort is frequently affecting your sex life, it's best to speak to a doctor or gynecologist right away, as they can better help you understand the underlying cause and best route for remedies or solutions catered to your specific needs.

Communicating directly about your body and your needs is essential to having a healthy and fulfilling sex life, especially if your comfort is in question. Be clear about your experience, and express what you have learned works for you and doesn't so that you can work together to find the best solutions. Bringing up the conversation in a neutral space (aka away from the bedroom) and giving yourselves the time to have a full discussion in which you can set needs, boundaries, and expectations can take some of the pressure off of the conversation.

Lubricant can absolutely help to reduce pain, especially with penetrative sex. Using lube cuts down on friction that can can cause discomfort or injury, and it can help to keep the vaginal or anal canals hydrated and slick for more pleasurable entry and movement. With that being said, lube isn't a universal solution - so make sure you consult with a doctor to see if there are any underlying medical conditions that go beyond what lubrication can help with.

Explore our guide to vaginal lubricants here.