Guest Review: Usual Suspects Kit

Author: Anything But the Usual by Lux Alptraum from Fleshbot.com

What toys were deemed iconic enough to be a part of the Iconic Collection? Pretty much what you would expect: a rabbit vibrator, a pocket rocket, and a vibrating cock ring. The three toys that have made their way across all of America, earning a prized place in sex toy shops around the country.

The Iconic Rabbit: Confession time: prior to obtaining the Iconic Collection, I had never owned a rabbit vibe. This was partly due to cost constraints (at the height of the Rabbit's popularity, I was a broke college student) and partly due to my distaste for mass trends (by the time I could actually afford a Rabbit, everyone and their mother had created a knockoff—and usually a cheap one). In fact, I'd only used a rabbit vibe once in my life, during an encounter that also involved an Italian prostitute in Amsterdam.

Unlike most of its predecessors, the Iconic Rabbit is not coated in questionably safe jelly rubber, but rather a jacket of phthalate-free, bright white elastomer. Which, for the record, I found a bit creepy. Perhaps I'm just not stylish enough to appreciate the appeal of all white elastomer.

The big appeal of the rabbit is its dual modes of stimulation—which, in the case of the Iconic, are controlled by two sliders on the base of the toy. One slider causes the eponymous rabbit to vibrate, its ears transforming into a blur; the other causes the shaft (and its pearl core), to rotate, stimulating the gspot.

Here was my first disappointment with the Iconic Rabbit: I had to slide one of the sliders almost halfway down to get the shaft rotating. Here was my second disappointment: when the toy was actually inside me, it stopped rotating entirely, only kicked into motion when it was approaching its highest setting. Were my Kegel muscles just that powerful—or was the toy just that weak? I'll let you decide.

Now, when I could get the toy actually moving and grooving, it felt pretty great. There's a reason why the Rabbit was the toast of "Sex and the City": it's a vibe that knows how to make a woman feel... like a woman. However, my enjoyment of the toy was hampered by the sheer volume of the motor. It was loud. Really, really loud.

Perhaps I was right to have avoided rabbit fever.

The Iconic Pocket: First off: am the only one who thinks that JimmyJane really, really missed out by not calling this toy the Iconic Rocket? Rabbit, Rocket, and Ring just flows so much better than Rabbit, Pocket, and Ring (or maybe I'm just abnormally addicted to alliteration).

The thing about the Iconic Pocket is that it's not really reborn, remade, or restyled in anyway by JimmyJane: the original Pocket Rocket (which, yes, I owned back in the day) was also white—in fact, the only difference between that toy and JimmyJanes is the "Iconic Pocket" branded across the stem.

But I digress.

The Iconic Pocket is a small, one-speed vibrator. It's also surprisingly powerful, given its pocket size—a little too powerful, if you ask me. Having so much raw, awesome, vibrating power packed into one tiny toy didn't turn me on; it made me overwhelmed (and, for that matter, reminded me why I had graduated on to more subtle, distinguished toys). My roommate, however, found the sheer, awesome power to be nothing short of thrilling. Different strokes for different folks, right?

The Iconic Ring: With its gummy, elastomer band and tiny, watch battery-powered vibe, the Iconic Ring was more along the lines of the Sonic Ring Kit than the Bo—though there were some subtle design elements that rocketed it to a higher level than the Sonic Ring.

Most impressive was that Jimmy Jane had thought to completely encase the vibrator in elastomer, preventing any possibility of it getting shifted or dislodged during the action. The vibrator's flat shape was also a plus—as were the ticklers emanating from the elastomer casing.

But overall, I just couldn't quite get into it—which may have more to do with the inherent flaws of vibrating cock rings than with JimmyJane.

So what have we learned from all this? Well, for one thing, making a toy all white and branding it "iconic" doesn't fundamentally change anything about it. If you like the Rabbit, the Rocket, and the Ring, you'll find this JimmyJane collection a pleasing tribute—but if, like me, you think iconic's just another word for starter toy, you'll probably be happier investing your money in a more advanced, new-fangled toy that lacks the SATC cred—but more than makes up for it in pleasing power.