30 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life
We’re celebrating 30 years of Babeland! After being in the biz of bringing you shame-free sex-positive info for three decades, we’ve rounded up 30 of our favorite educator-approved tips to spice up your sex life with your boo (or fling, or FWB, or whoever you play with!).
-
Communicate. If you’ve ever attended one of our classes, or even read one of our Babe Blogs, you’ll know that we strongly believe that the key to better sex all around is communicating your wants, needs, and boundaries. Not everyone can be a mind reader, so let yourself be known.
-
Listen to your own body. Communication isn’t just something that needs to happen with a partner. Pay attention to your body and the way that it lets you know when something feels good, and allow yourself the space to explore those new sensations- you just may discover something exciting.
-
Try some toys. Sex toys aren’t just solo tools - they’re great for partnered play, too! Sex toys add elements that our bodies alone may not be able to provide - texture, vibration, sensation play - and can be an exciting way to add a little something more to enhance your play. Remember, toys are there to add to the experience - they aren’t here to replace your partner, if you have one (or more), but to be their teammate.
-
Map out new hot spots. The genitals aren’t the only place where sensations can get us off. The body is covered in erogenous zones (aka spots on the body that can cause sexual arousal and stimulation) that can be just as O-worthy as what’s in your pants. Tease and caress the body with soft touch or an erotic massage. Whisper and breathe against sensitive bits like the shell of the ear, against the throat, across the nipples. Find those destinations that make you shiver in the best way, and lavish them in attention to get yourself going in new ways.
-
Get a front-row seat. Watching each other masturbate can be a really hot way to explore voyeurism and exhibitionism, plus it will give you a VIP look at what they like to do to make themselves feel good! Pay attention to the way they touch themselves and take note to incorporate those techniques that drive them wild into your partnered play.
-
Grab a blindfold. Did you know that suppressing one of your senses will cause the others to heighten to compensate? Putting on a blindfold will not only add in the adrenaline that comes with suspense, but your senses of taste, touch, smell, and hearing will all see a boost - pair that with arousal and the sensations that our body may already be used for an experience that feels brand new.
-
Use lube. Seriously, lube is a game-changer when it comes to all different types of play. Lube cuts down on friction that can cause discomfort or irritation without taking away from any of the sensation - in fact, it can even enhance sensations and help transmit body heat! Also, using (non-oil-based) lubricant helps prevent latex safer sex barriers from breaking or tearing. The more you know!
-
Hand over control (literally). Remote control toys are a great way to explore some power dynamics or simply take the reins on your partner’s pleasure. Let the anticipation build as you change up the intensity, or even play from long distances with app-controlled toys and get each other off from anywhere in the world.
-
Give a massage. Enjoy a different way to release some tension with a sexy massage. Sharing a massage can let you transition out of that distracted workday space and into an intentional mindset of feeling connected to each other's bodies. It can stand on its own as a hot activity or be a sensual part of getting turned on before other types of play.
-
Explore the world of kink. The world of BDSM and kink is so vast, and with so much to choose from, there’s a good chance there’s something to pique your interest enough to try. Spanking and impact play, bondage and restraints, playing with power dynamics - let yourself even get a little taboo with it, you may reveal a kink you never knew you had!
-
Flip the script. If you find yourself taking the same role in your partnered play, try changing up the power dynamic. Let your dominating self hand over the reins and explore submission, or step into a more control-driven part if you’re usually more of the sub in bed. Try this through BDSM, a top/bottom switch like with pegging , or by simply changing who initiates or the physical positioning of your bodies.
-
Make a sexy to-do list. If you ever find yourself stuck in a routine, or if you simply want to expand your horizons, try filling out a Yes / No / Maybe list! These lists are designed to be a place to aggregate wants, curiosities, and boundaries - so you and your partner(s) can compare to see what you both are into that you may have not known before, giving yourself a list of ideas for the next time you want to try something new together.
-
Get into position. Try new positions, or even new locations. Bend your partner over the arm of a couch, get hoisted onto a countertop, break out some kama sutra moves, or add some positioning furniture into the mix. Moving our bodies into new shapes can completely change the sensations you experience with any kind of play.
-
Explore the back door. Everyone has a butt, so anyone can explore booty play! Massage a lubed-up finger against the sensitive rim, try a little analingus (aka rimming ), try out a toy like an anal plug , beads , or vibe - and get a little cheeky.
-
Mark your calendar. Hear us out on this one - scheduling sex can be a game-changer. Setting aside time, especially if you’re a busy person, will help ensure that you’re not putting pleasure on the back burner and will aid in keeping you and your partner physically connected. Of course, consent is still necessary, so if you decide you don’t want to keep your sex appointment, fill in that space with another way to spend time together like cuddling, showing each other a favorite movie, or listening to a well-loved album together - anything that allows you that time to really connect.
-
Play a game. From strip poker to breaking out the sex dice or even a whole sex-centric board game, sex games are a great way to inspire playfulness and get some real-time prompts for new ways to explore one another’s bodies. You can even get competitive and add some stakes to make things even more interesting.
-
Try out some roleplay. Sometimes you just want to be somebody else for a while. And there may be no better place to explore that than during sex! Whether you’re full-on kinky or vanilla with sprinkles, you can liven up your sex life and explore new kinds of erotic fun via role-play. It can be a way to act out (or more deeply engage with) fantasies; it can help you step up to new styles of play, like BDSM; it can even help if you tend to be introverted and shy.
-
Hit the showers. Getting busy in the shower (or bath) can take your play to new places - literally - and the sensation of the water surrounding your bodies is not only super hot, but can change the way that we experience touch. Plus, new environments encourage new exploration - the positions we can try in the shower are much different than the ones we can in a bed. So get wet!
-
Use your words. Not only is dirty talk super hot, but it’s a great way to check in with your partner as you play. Ask questions like “do you like that?” “do you want more?” or “tell me how it feels.” Communicate what’s working for you: “right there,” “just like that,” “this is so hot,” and what you need: “more, please,” “take it slow for me.” You can even explore some power dynamics by trying out praise (“you’re doing so good for me”) or degradation (“you filthy little babe”) - if you’re both into it.
-
Read erotica out loud. Exploring fantasy, check. Working on your dirty talk confidence, check. Using language as foreplay, check check check. Reading erotica out loud has lots of benefits - maybe even you’ll discover that you’re a narratophiliac (aka someone turned on by words).
-
Heat things up (or cool them down). When it comes to exploring sensations, temperature play is an easy way to introduce new elements of touch. Whether it’s as gentle as running an ice cube along the skin or you want to get a little kinky with some hot wax play , you can excite the body and engage those nerve endings by simply changing up the temp.
22. Add a little flavor. From the classic whipped-cream-on-the-nipples play to candy lingerie - make yourself into the dessert! Kiss and lick across the body with some flavored massage oils, taking your time to lavish every inch of their body with attention from your lips and tongue. Just note that when it comes to sex and food, you want to be cautious near your downstairs bits, so skip the chocolate sauce and break out some flavored lube when it comes to the genitals to add another level to your oral play.
-
Dress to impress. Put on a little something special under your clothes - whether or not you’re going to unwrap for someone later, wearing lingerie (or whatever else makes you feel hot - maybe even going commando!) can make for a sexy secret and give a confidence boost that can put some extra swish or swagger in your step.
-
Go toy shopping IRL. If you don’t know where to start in the wide world of sex toys (especially if you’re in New York or Seattle) come into a sex toy shop and browse in-person! All Babeland shops have physical displays that you can check out, and are staffed with sex educators who are here to answer your questions. Come solo or bring a date, you’re always welcome!
-
-
If you’re not near a Babeland location , you can also talk one-on-one with our Sex Educators by sending us a DM on Instagram or Twitter - @babeland_toys
-
-
Set the mood. Switch out your lightbulb for a color-changing one, light some scented candles, curate a sexy-time playlist, make the bed with some fresh sheets, and set the mood you want. Taking the time to mindfully prepare a space with sex in mind can help you to really get into the headspace and allow all of your senses to get engaged.
-
Explore your orgasm. Play with your orgasmic potential by exploring new ways to get off, or even giving edging (bringing yourself or your partner right to the point where you’re about to hit orgasm - aka the edge - and stopping or pausing) to see how far you can take yourself and discover more about your tell-tale signs that you’re about to reach the Big O. The build and anticipation of the tease can make for an even more explosive climax.
-
Make out. A hot-and-heavy makeout sesh doesn’t get the credit it deserves in our adult lives. Take some time to just enjoy the sensation of each other’s mouths, lips, tongues, teeth - it can allow for a level of intimate connection that sometimes gets lost in longer-term relationships, plus it boosts arousal. You don’t even have to take it further, smooching can be the main course.
-
Watch some porn together. What’s your go-to search when you hit the web looking for some porn? Bring your partner into the fold and introduce them to it! Even if it’s not something that you necessarily want to try IRL, it can be really intimate to share what gets you off in private - and who knows, maybe it will inspire you to shoot a little movie of your own. (BTW - We believe in supporting our performers and ethical production companies. Pay for your porn!)
-
Let foreplay last all day. Foreplay doesn’t have to wait to start til you’re in the bedroom. Send each other some dirty texts throughout the day, leave a sexy scavenger hunt of erotic notes, pictures, or even carefully placed lingerie around the house, and let anticipation drive your arousal.
-
Try it solo first. If there’s something that you want to try but you’re not quite sure if you’ll like it, or if you’re simply nervous (no shame), try it solo! Use a toy, explore your body, and see what feels good - from there you can better communicate to your partner what you are, and aren’t, into.
