by Claire Cavanah

Science tells us that orgasms arethe involuntary muscle spasms that come with the release of sexualtension. This stark definition does not even hint at the variety oforgasmic experiences available to the willing pleasure seeker. With alittle persistence and a lot of openness, each of us can tap into ourown orgasmic potential.

Orgasms range in intensity from a sweet ripple of pleasure aroundthe genitals to a roaring, curling wave of energy through the entirebody. Every orgasm is a duet of tension and relaxation: a combinationof striving and letting go, of making it happen and letting ithappen.

Many women have trouble achieving orgasm, or are unsure whether theyhave orgasms. If you have never had an orgasm, or want toexperience stronger orgasms, here are a few suggestions to get youstarted.

1.   
   Get to know your genitals! Looking at and developing anappreciation of one's own pussy can help liberate us from sexual shame.To identify an orgasm, get to know those muscles! Flex your PCmuscles by pretending to stop the flow of urine. You are tightening andreleasing the same muscles that involuntarily contract and release whenyou come.
2. Prioritize your own self-pleasure. Set aside time to masturbate ona regular basis. No one can do this for you! Masturbating teaches ushow we like to be touched and what gets our juices flowing, whether itleads to orgasm or not. Practicing getting aroused is the surest way tolearn techniques that can help break new sexual ground, both alone andwith a partner. Masturbating builds sexual confidence. If you need some encouragement, try a book like Sex for One, or if you need inspiration, try reading some erotica.
3. Relax. Overall relaxation helps in the beginning?you are lookingto build up sexual tension, so set aside the tensions of daily life.Banish thoughts about the dishes in the sink or job stress with our Jimmyjane Contour Massage Stones. Take a warm bath and try one of our relaxing bath products or do whatever you need to do tofeel completely at ease. This will help you be present in your body andattentive to its responses.
4. Try masturbating at different times of the day. If you try comingonly at night, after a long, stressful day and two stiff drinks, youare less likely to get to know the nuances of your desires. You can throw a small toy like the Babeland Silver Bullet in your briefcase and slip away from work for a mid-day romp.
5. Get turned on! Explore your erotic mind by reading sexy fiction,watching explicit movies or writing a fantasy of your own. If you're new to adult films, try one by a female director. Askyourself, "What makes me wet?" Revel and indulge in the answer.
6. Experiment. Try rubbing your clit using different motions: stop andstart, left and right, around the clock. Pay attention to whatfeels good and do more of that.
7. Breathe. Take deep breaths so you can move the sexual energythroughout your body. You can also help further your arousal bybreathing deeply, rather than holding your breath as you get closer tocoming.
8. Add a vibrator. Sometimes a vibrator cancarry on where a tired hand or tongue cannot. The steady buzz of a goodvibrator on or around the clitoris can solve one commonproblem?insufficient clitoral stimulation. The Hitachi Magic Wand, Rabbit Habit, and Jimmyjane Form 2 are three of our favorites for powerful and varied stimulation.
9. Make noise. Don't be afraid to move, rock, grunt, scream, and cryduring sex. You are seeking total release, so get used to reactions youmight have when you lose control. Be silly! Be loud! Let yourself go.
10. Tease yourself. When you hit a plateau of sexual tension, back awayfrom it, breathe deeply, then start again. The sexual energy can buildin cycles, each more intense than the last. Take your time and rememberto keep breathing. Consistent, deep breathing helps withrelaxation?holding your breath can forestall coming.

Orgasms: You Deserve Many

Sex negativity in our culture, especially toward women, can inhibitour growth as sexual beings and our understanding of our own sexualresponse. Fortunately, we have the freedom to question what we havebeen taught about sex, and to heal the wounds we uncover as we exploreour desires. There are lots of places to go for encouragement on theroad to sexual fulfillment. Betty Dodson's original masturbationmanifesto Sex For One continues to school women in sexualself-awareness and satisfaction. Our own guide, Moregasm: Babeland's Guide to Mind-Blowing Sexcan help lead you to orgasmic bliss by yourself, with a partner, and/or with the help of a sex toy. To help heal the wounds of sexual abuse, we strongly recommend Staci Haines' Healing Sex.  When we choose to open up to our own sexuality throughout our lives,there is no limit to the growth we can experience and the pleasure wecan find.